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'THE TEN COMMANDMENTS' Review and Movie Quotes |
Excellent Review: |
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS —
Rated: G
• Lots of Early Scenes with Charlton Heston and Yul Brynner appearing Half-Naked.....many, many Gratuitous Pectoral Shots!
This is the No. 1 Reason why Ladies watch this Epic Movie.....Chicks Love Chiseled Pecs!
• Lots of Idol-Worshiping and Blatant Bible Blasphemies!
• Lots of Scrawny Hebrews getting bullied by Really Muscular Egyptians! Sometimes Danny would get annoyed at the Hebrews for not Fighting Back!
• Lots Clogged Arteries and Extra Weight Gain cause you'll be eating lots of Junk Food while you sit through this FOUR HOUR Bible Epic Marathon!
Running Time: 239 Minutes
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"Danny's Personal Feelings About
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS"
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS"
Featured Movie Review:
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
"The Greatest Event In
Motion Picture History!"
Motion Picture History!"
Copyright © 1956 Paramount,All Rights Reserved
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Danny can't tell you the number of times he's seen The Ten Commandments.....but whatever that number is, it's Pretty High!
When I was growing up, I used to do all of the fun activities that kids are supposed to do during Easter time.
I went to the Warnaco Park in Elizabeth, NJ with friends, family and lots of different church members. I don't remember a single time when our events were rained out or delayed for some reason.
Watching The Ten Commandments always brings back lots of great memories from those really fun times when Little Danny was growing up.
But when the day was over, I would make a point of watching The Ten Commandments which always played on Network TV on Easter Sunday.
For the longest time, I would channel surf from The Ten Commandments to other programs.....until I was really ready to settle into watching the movie.
While the first 2 hours of back story involving Moses' life is good stuff, Little Danny wasn't really that into that part of the movie back then.
Little Danny was waiting to see the scene with Moses and The Burning Bush.....cause that's when Moses stopped acting like a Wuss and went back to Egypt to "Kick Some Heathen Ass!"
Anyone who watches The Ten Commandments would have to agree that.....
"Charlton Heston Was A
Man's Man"
Man's Man"
The Ten Commandments was Charlton Heston's "Big Break" back in 1956.
Even though Heston had been making movies for years, his strong interpretation of Moses in The Ten Commandments is what really launched his career and separated him from the Thousands of other Actors in Hollywood!
The only reason why Charlton Heston was chosen to play the lead role in Ben-Hur was because of his work in The Ten Commandments.
Charlton Heston had this Magnetism, Charisma and Confidence that many, many, many, many movie stars have tried to Imitate.....but were unable to Duplicate!
Charlton Heston passed away on April 5, 2008.....the day after the 40th Anniversary of the Assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. on April 4, 1968.
I mention this because Charlton Heston was very active during the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960's.....Heston marched along side Martin Luther King, Jr. on several occasions.
In April 2008, Entertainment-Movie-Guide was viewed by over 1,000 Visitors who were specifically looking for Charlton Heston Information!
People were especially interested in Ben-Hur and The Ten Commandments.
Charlton Heston's roles in Ben-Hur and The Ten Commandments are still his most popular roles.....even after 50 years!
Danny had suddenly remembered a Hypothetical Question he used to Ask after watching The Ten Commandments.....
"How Would Moses Be Treated If He Were Living In The 21st Century?"
Danny has always wondered how Moses would be treated if he were alive in the 21st Century!
What do you think would happen to him TODAY if he acted in the exact same manner as he did 3,000 YEARS AGO as depicted in The Ten Commandments?!?
OR
• Would the Prophet Moses get his Prophet Butt thrown into the Nearest Lunatic Asylum where he'll be constantly 'Stoned Out' on Anti-Insanity Drugs while wearing one of those Really Comfortable Strait-Jackets for the rest of his Natural Born Life?
Ya know.....it was asking Rhetorical Questions like these that got Little Danny kicked out of Catholic School when he was a kid!
When will Danny learn to keep his Big Mouth Shut?!?
All right, that's enough with the Blasphemous Rhetorical Questions!
Now Danny is going to discuss.....
"Cecil B. DeMille And
The Cast Of Thousands"
The Cast Of Thousands"
The Ten Commandments literally has a "Cast of Thousands"!
The amount of people gathered together in on these huge sets is unbelievable! You see hundreds of slaves in the scenes where they are.....
• Being whipped into submission to make bricks for Pharaoh's Cities
• Moving huge blocks of stone and raising Giant Statues
• And, of course, the Exodus from Egypt and the all the events that take place afterwards!
Little Danny grew up watching Bible Epics where large groups of extras were on screen.....and back then I didn't appreciate the effort it took to Manage that many people at one time.
If The Ten Commandments were made today, computers special effects would be used to replace the thousands of living, breathing people.
As a matter of fact, a really good animated movie was made about 10 years ago about the story of Moses — The Prince of Egypt!
The Prince of Egypt did a fantastic job of re-creating the story of Moses .....but at the same time, it also proves my point!
Movie Studios today will never again make Epic Movies where Thousands of Real People have to be Managed and Directed!
Even The Lord of the Rings Trilogy used a massive amount of special effects to create those large armies shown in those movies!
Why take a chance that someone will get hurt and sue the movie studio .....when you can just use technology to Simulate thousands of Real People!
While it makes sense from an Economic standpoint, it degrades the "Spectacle" that the old Bible Epics from the 50's and 60's were able to achieve.
The director, Cecil B. DeMille, was a visionary and true "Mover and Shaker" in Hollywood back in the old days (1910's - 1950's)!
I guess you could call him the Steven Speilberg of his time!
DeMille made a Silent-Film version of The Ten Commandments way, way, way back in 1923!
So when DeMille released the 1956 version of The Ten Commandments that Little Danny grew up watching.....he was actually making a re-make of his own film that he made Thirty-Three Years Earlier!
DeMille was known for his epic movies and the large amount of actors that he employed. Not many guys would have had the leadership and guts to even attempt to manage the amount of people he hired for his Epic Movies.
Cecil B. DeMille was loyal to his favorite actors.....using them over and over again in his movies.
Charlton Heston was one of DeMille's Favorites.
DeMille wasn't one to tell an actor how to act....he expected them to know what he/she was doing on camera.
DeMille wasn't the kind of "Democratic Director" that so many are today.
Today.....DeMille would be considered a Tyrant!
He knew what he wanted.....and he never let any Sniveling, Pampered Actors screw up his movies.
He was a Leader who took charge and got things done the way he wanted them to be done.
DeMille was the "Top Dog".....there were No Committee Meetings or "Group-Think" Discussions taking place on his set.
It was either DeMille's Way or The Highway!
Cecil B. DeMille was definitely Danny's kind of guy!
Cecil B. DeMille movies were always meant to entertain the audience. His name became synonymous with Quality, Family Entertainment.
He understood what the audiences wanted and he gave it to them. I don't think many movie fans felt cheated out of their money when they went to see a Cecil B. DeMille movie!
DeMille directed about 80 movies in his lifetime.....over half of those movies were made between 1914-1920!
Of course, all of those movies would have been silent-films and most of them would have been no more than 60 minutes long.
But still.....Forty Movies in only Six Years! Very Impressive!
DeMille himself introduces The Ten Commandments.
He explains how The Holy Bible omits 30 years of Moses life. So other historical and religious texts wereused to fill in those missing years.
Historians point to many historical and biblical inaccuracies in The Ten Commandments.
Some of these inaccuracies can be found at Wikipedia! (new window)
None of these inaccuracies deflects from Danny's fondness for The Ten Commandments.....and Danny isn't the only one who feels this way.
The Ten Commandments was the highest grossing Biblical Movie of all time until Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ was released in 2004.
In the next section of this Movie Review, Danny tries to figure out why.....
"The Hebrews Need A Helping Hand.....
Since They Can't Help Themselves"
Since They Can't Help Themselves"
The Ten Commandments is Four Hours Long.....when you add in the Introduction and Musical Prelude, Intermission and Exit Scenes!
The first Two-and-a-Half Hours deal with Moses life before becoming a God-Fearing, Pestilence-Spreading, Slave-Stealing Prophet!
The Ten Commandments also explains that the Hebrews have been waiting for someone to be delivered from God to free them of their 400 Years of bondage by the Egyptians.
The Jews waited 400 Hundred Years for God to send a Deliverer to Free Them?!? Now that's what Danny calls Patience and Faith, boy! Danny gets Super Fuckin' Pissed if the Pizza Delivery Boy is more than Five Minutes Late delivering my Extra Pepperoni Pie with the Cheesy Crust and Breadsticks on the side!  |
The Pharaoh at the time, Rameses I, doesn't like all this talk of Freedom and Justice for the Hebrews.
You see, the rulers of Egypt have come to really enjoykicking dirt into the face of the Hebrews that they own. They get a kick out of Whipping the Men, Defiling the Women and, well, acting like a bunch of Douchebags!
So when Rameses I hears that a "Deliver" has been born, he orders his soldiers to kill all the new born Hebrew baby's.
So, from the get go, "The Deliver" pisses off the Pharaoh to the point where he orders a whole lot of babies to be hacked to pieces! As you can see, the first couple of days were pretty rough for "The Deliver" and for the people he's supposed to be "Delivering!" So far, the only thing he's "Delivering" is more headaches for the Hebrews! Is it me or did Moses get more Hebrews killed than he actually managed to save?!? |
As you can imagine, Baby Moses' Hebrew Mother, Yochabel, and Hebrew Sister, Miriam, would prefer that Baby Moses NOT have his Baby Skull split open.....so they throw Baby Moses in a Baby Basket and toss that Baby Basket into the Nile River.
I'm guessing that Yochabel has lots of faith that God won't allow Baby Moses to get eaten by Crocodiles!
Anyways.....the Baby Basket ends up in the hands of the Pharaoh's daughter, Bithiah.
Since her husband died and didn't "Knock Her Up" with a baby of her own, she claims the baby as her own son and tries to conceal the fact that he's a Runaway Hebrew Slave Baby!
In the Next Section, you'll discover that.....
"Moses Knows How To Attract The Ladies.....Like Moths To A Bug Zapper"
So Moses (played by Charlton Heston) lives out the first Thirty Years of his life believing that he's Egyptian!
He rises to fame as a great leader of men and brings Glory and Victory to the new Pharaoh, Seti I.
Seti I and all of Egypt also believe that Moses is one of them and are ready to accept him as the man to replace Seti as Pharaoh when he dies.
This doesn't still too well with Seti's own son, Rameses II (played by Yul Brynner).
Rameses II wants to be the next Pharaoh really, really badly and he's pretty serious about taking what he thinks belongs to him.....including Moses' fine ass Nympho-Babe, Nefretiri (played by Anne Baxter).
Eventually Moses finds out that he's nothing but a Big, Fat Phony and and decides to accept his Hebrew Slave Heritage.
When Rameses finds out about this juicy piece of info, he uses this knowledge to get Moses kicked out of Egypt and thrown into the desert on his "Keister".
Now Rameses has the title of Pharaoh and he has Moses' Double-Crossing Slut, Nefretiri.
Even though Moses has been pampered his whole life.....he still has "The Heart of a Lion" and he manages to survive the desert and finds his way to a friendly tribe of Arab Shepards.
Moses replaces that Back-Stabbing Skank, Nefretiri, with a Foxy Shepherd girl named Sephora.
Sephora is played by Yvonne De Carlo.....who became really famous in the 1960's when she played Lily Munster on the original The Munster's TV show!
Now we'll talk about The Famous Burning Bush in which God uses to Speak to Moses.
As a matter of fact.....
"The Burning Bush Gets
'Bossy' With Moses"
'Bossy' With Moses"
After a few years of living the peaceful life of a Humble Shepherd, he comes across the legendary "Burning Bush" and talks directly with "The Almighty"!
And The Lord saidth unto Moses,
Go free all those thousands of slaves who've been waiting for me to do it for them.
I thought that after 400 years of bondage they would've decided to revolt and free themselves by now.
But they want me to do it for them.
I tell ya, Moses.....If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself.
I mean.....C'mon! It's been 400 Years already!
For God's Sake.....why couldn't the Hebrews show some Initiative, grow some Balls and Free themselves?!?
God didn't use those Exact Words in The Ten Commandments.....but Danny's sure that he meant to!
Danny's still not sure why GOD needed Moses in the first place.
I'm mean, GOD is GOD!
He could've kicked Rameses Narrow Ass in His sleep.
And Why did GOD wait 400 Years?!?
Did he want to watch his people get tortured long enough to see if they would stay loyal to Him?!?
When Little Danny was in Catholic School, he always meant to ask his Old Hag Nuns questions like that.
But, by then, Little Danny was already getting sick and tired of getting his little ass whipped by those Evil Old Nuns.
Little Danny didn't want to get Excommunicated to!
Little Danny didn't want to be cast down into HELL for all eternity.....Little Danny was never very fond of Neverending Torture!
So Little Danny decided not to ask Blasphemous Questions like that to those Wrinkled, Old Prune-Faced Nuns!
Ya know, Little Danny really ought to consider himself lucky that it was the Nuns discipling him.....and not the Priests!
Even now, Danny really can't decide which form of punishment is worse:
OR
Butt Penetrations!
A Common Theme throughout The Ten Commandments is the Anger of God.
If you watch this movie, you will learn that.....
"God Gets Pissed Off A Lot
In This Movie"
In This Movie"
One knock on The Ten Commandments is that most of the special effects, while State-of-the-Art in 1956, are pretty dated in 2008!
There are quite a few scenes where it's obvious that the actors are performing in front of a fake background. This becomes especially noticeable when Moses turns the Nile Blood Red.
However, the simpler and subtler effects like The Burning Bush still look pretty good.
Moses' parting of the Red Sea is the most famous and powerful sequence in The Ten Commandments!
People will sit through Three Straight Hours of The Ten Commandments .....just to watch the parting of the Red Sea!
The special effects involved are dated also.....but the Powerful Acting of Charlton Heston really shines during this scene and you forget about bad special effects!
Danny has the sneaking suspicion that Laurence Fishburne was using Charlton Heston's portrayal of Moses in The Ten Commandments as inspiration for his performance as Morpheus in The Matrix Trilogy! Once again.....Danny's reveals his True Nerd Nature! |
And, of course, the scenes following The Red Sea are also classic.
The pillar of fire that carves out The Ten Commandments onto stone tablets is still a pretty impressive scene after more than 50 years!
The Ten Commandments also gives us plenty of examples of the Wrath of GOD.
I mean.....God gets pretty pissed at Rameses and the Egyptians for keeping the Hebrews in bondage.
And when the Hebrews are finally free, GOD gets pretty pissed at them for throwing an innocent little party where they pretty much spit on GOD'S LAWS and go on a rampage of Fornication, Idol-Worship and Human Sacrifice!
Trust me.....it Sounds a lot worse than it really was.
Moses gets pretty steamed at them too.....but he only got mad cause he wasn't invited to the party in the first place!
After Moses rips a "New Asshole" into the Hebrews Collective Backside..... GOD performs the Coup De Grâce by making the Hebrews wonder the desert for 40 years as punishment.
Shit, Dude!
And I thought my Old Man was strict when he Slapped Me Silly after he caught me playing hooky from school!
In this next Section, Danny Attacks all those People who enjoy attacking People of Faith.....
"Danny Jumps On His Soapbox About
Religion And Faith"
Religion And Faith"
If you're one of those Atheist types, then you should just stay away from The Ten Commandments altogether!
Atheists.....ya gotta love 'em.
Atheists pretty much account for life on Earth as a Cosmic Accident!
They hate the idea of GOD so much that even the possibility of a GOD literally sends them into a rampage!
I can recall many times in college when my "All Wise, All Knowing" Professors would take time to denounce Christianity and all other faiths.
Some even go so far as to believe that Aliens were here millions of years ago and we're descended from them.....this is popular with The X-Files Fans and with The Scientologists.
One of the main reasons that people doubt the existence of GOD is because of the violence that's been committed over the centuries in the name of GOD.
Violence caused not by men of faith....but by evil, corrupt men who used people's faith in GOD as a tool to get what they wanted.
The truth is that I can't think of anyway to prove the existence of GOD.
However, Atheists can't prove their theories either.....much less "Disprove" the existence of God.
Danny himself doesn't know the truth about the Universe and it's creation. Danny will freely admit that he doesn't know.
But Danny does know that Atheists know just as little (if not less) about the truth of the Universe than Danny does.
And Danny isn't Arrogant enough to tell YOU what faith you should be practicing.....or whether or not you should have a faith at all!
So, in the end, Danny recommends that each individual decide for themselves the "Spiritual Path" they will follow.
Each person is responsible for his/her own life.....and their spirituality!
As for me.....I like to think that there is a God and he's Super-Stoked that he created a fine specimen of "Manly Studliness" when he created Danny!
It makes Danny feel good about the possibility of great things waiting for a Super-Cool Dude like Danny after he Drops Dead!
Hopefully, I'll die peacefully in bed.....surrounded by Ten Hot Blond Babes owning Twenty Enormous "Casaba Melons"
That's Danny's Idea of Paradise!
And Danny wants to have a Viking Funeral after he dies!
I want a custom boat built just for me!
I want to be laid on the boat with all my worldly possessions.....including all of my Playboys!
I want the boat to be shoved off into the ocean.
And I want someone to shoot a Flaming Arrow at the boat and Torch My Ass!
That's Danny Definition of "The Coolest Funeral Ever!"
Now let's wrap up Danny's Brilliantly Conceived Movie Review with one of.....
"Danny's Totally Meaningless Observations"
Danny didn't notice this about The Ten Commandments until just recently.
When Moses finally forces Rameses to "Let My People Go", Hebrews start blowing their horns to alert the State of Israel that they are now free.
The music tune these guys play with their horns is the exact same tune that the Ewokes played when the Death Star blew up at the end of
Return of the Jedi!
How does Danny know this?
Because Danny is a Poor Pathetic Loser with No Social Life!
"CAST
OF
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS"
aka — "The Cast Of Thousands!"
OF
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS"
aka — "The Cast Of Thousands!"
as Moses | as Pharaoh Rameses II |
as Nefretiri | as Dathan |
as Sephora | as Lilia |
as Joshua | as Pharaoh Seti I | as Bithiah | as Yochabel |
as Memnet | as Baka |
as Aaron | as Jannes |
as Miriam | as Amalekite Herder |
Danny's Top 5 Cool Movie Quotes!
Cool Movie Quote — No. 1
Bithiah: I am the pharaoh's daughter, and this is my son. He shall be reared in my house, as the prince of the two lands.
Memnet: My mother and her mother before her were branded into the pharaoh's service. I will not see you make this son of slaves a prince of Egypt.
Bithiah: You will see it, Memnet. You will see him walk with his head among the eagles. You will serve him as you serve me. Fill the ark with water sink it into silence. Raise your hands, Memnet. What you have buried in the Nile will remain buried in your heart. Swear it.
Memnet: I will be silent.
Bithiah: The day you break that oath will be the last your eyes shall ever see.
Cool Movie Quote — No. 2
[to Nefretiri]
Rameses: You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more - and trust you less.
Nefretiri: I could never love you.
Rameses: Does that matter? You will be my wife. You will come to me whenever I call you,and I will enjoy that very much. Whether you enjoy it or not is your own affair. But I think you will.
Cool Movie Quote — No. 3
Bithiah: In fear of your God they have set me free. May a stranger enter?
Moses: There are no strangers among those who seek God's forgiveness.
Bithiah: And my bearers?
Moses: All who thirst for freedom may come with us. The shadow of death will pass over us tonight, and tomorrow we will see the light of freedom.
Bithiah: I shall go with you, Moses.
Miriam: One from the house of pharoah?
Aaron: An Egyptian?
Miriam: An idol-worshipper?
Moses: This woman drew me from the water and set my feet upon the path of knowledge. Aaron, bring another chair to our table for the daughter of Pharaoh.
Bithiah: A great light shines from your face, Moses. Perhaps one day I shall come to understand it.
Cool Movie Quote — No. 4
Nefretiri: [approaches Rameses as he is praying to an idol over his dead son] How many more days and nights will you pray? Does he hear you?
Rameses: [praying] Dread Lord of Darkness, I have raised my voice to you, yet life has not come to the body of my son. Hear me!
Nefretiri: He cannot hear you. He's nothing but a piece of stone with the head of a bird.
Rameses: He will hear me. For I am Egypt.
Nefretiri: Egypt? You are nothing. You let Moses kill my son. No god can bring him back. What have you done to Moses? How did he die? Did he cry for mercy when you tortured him? Bring me to his body! I want to see it, Rameses! I want to see it!
Rameses: This is my son. He would have been Pharaoh and would have ruled the world. Who mourns him now? Not even you. All you can think of is Moses. You will not see his body. I drove him out of Egypt. I cannot fight the power of his God.
Nefretiri: His God? The priests say that Pharaoh is a god. But you are not a god. You are even less than a man. Listen to me, Rameses. You thought I was evil when I went to Moses. And you were right. Shall I tell you what happened, Rameses? He spurned me like a strumpet in the street. I, Nefretiri, Queen of Egypt! All that you wanted from me he would not even take! Do you hear laughter Pharaoh? Not the laughter of kings, but the laughter of slaves on the desert island!
Rameses: Laughter? Laughter? My son I shall build your tomb upon their crushed bodies. If any escape me, their seed shall be spattered and acursed forever. My armor! The war crown! Laughter? I will turn the laughter of these slaves into wails of torment! They shall remember the name of Moses! Only that he died under my chariot wheels!
Nefretiri: Kill him with your own hands!
"The Ten Commandments" Cool Movie Quote — No. 5
Moses: Go....proclaim liberty throughout all the land, and to all the inhabitants thereof.
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