Danny's Review:
 Copyright © 2006 Lions Gate, All Rights Reserved
• LOTS OF BLOOD! • Plenty of Female Bonding.....followed by Female Back-Stabbing • Plenty of Monsters who Love to Eat Pain-in-the-Ass Girls for Supper! Running Time: 99 Minutes Very Important: A Sense of Humor is for Maximum Enjoyment of this Review Page! If you need to understand why, Click Here! NOTE: All studio images/trailers and content is used for the purpose of publicity and No Copyright Infringement Is Intended.
   
My sister was the one who recommended The Descent to me. "Oh my God, Danny! It's SOOOOOO Scary!" Of course, I didn't believe her at first cause my sister is a Girlie-Girl and she scares easily. It takes a REALLY Scary Movie to penetrate the Testicular Fortitude of Danny! So I watched it one night when I was having trouble sleeping.....I figured the Lame Scary Scenes would act as a Lullaby and help me fall asleep. Well, I didn't fall asleep at all cause I was totally hooked on the movie from the beginning. I don't know which shocked Danny more..... • The Claustrophobic Terror that this movie pulled off so well OR • The fact that a Scary movie recommended by my Sister actually turned out to be Scary! What an Awesome Poster! If you back away from the image.....you can see that the Six Girls are in the shape of a Giant Skull!
This movie obeys Danny's Rule about the only Acceptable Chick Flicks worth watching..... Danny's In Love! In fact there's only one guy in the entire movie.....if you exclude the Hideous Ghouls living underneath the Earth! And that one guy is out of the picture pretty quickly. This movie is about Six Chicks ranging from Good Looking to SMOKING HOT MAMA!
They think of themselves as X-Treme Sports Babes....except the sports they participate in are pretty safe, no REAL DANGER involved. They are always looking for Bigger and Better Challenges!  Copyright © 2006 Lions Gate, All Rights ReservedThe story goes like this..... A year after Sarah's (played by Shauna Macdonald) husband and daughter are killed in an accident, her friends want to help her snap out of her depression. So her friend Juno (played by Natalie Mendoza) decides to invite Sarah and her friend Beth to do some underground cave exploring. But Juno doesn't want the Tourist Friendly caves that are, in fact, pretty lame....she's looking for something a little more challenging. Juno discovers a series of caves in a remote area of the Appalachian Mountains in the United States as the perfect challenge. These caves are Unexplored and not a Single Living Person knows about them.....except for Juno! Juno wants her group to be the First Explorers of this cave and to be the ones who give it a Name.....this is why Juno decides NOT to inform anyone of their trip into this cave beforehand. She thinks that they can handle whatever obstacles are in these caves. Well.....She's Wrong! Do you remember how Europeans thought that the Earth was Flat and it turned out they were wrong.....well, Juno is about One Million Times Wrong-er than that!
Do you remember how wrong General Custer (new window) was at the Well, "General Juno" is just as Wrong!  Copyright © 2006 Lions Gate, All Rights Reserved Copyright © 2006 Lions Gate, All Rights ReservedNow these Babes are NOT Wimps! They're all physically active and can defend themselves....they're not spoiled Little Daddy's girls. But there resolve and there friendship starts to come apart when a sudden Cave-In seals them in this massive cave hundreds of feet underground. Now they have to find a way out of these pitch black caves with No Map and No Hope of rescue from anyone else on the outside!
Already the girl's situation is pretty bad.....but a gets Worse when they meet the underground inhabitants of this cave. C'mon.....you had to know that there would be Cave Dwellers, right? These "People" have a very unique way of rolling out the Welcome Mat for unexpected guests....they show their hospitality by chasing the girls deeper and deeper into the caves to be served for Dinner. The girls do put up one hell of a Fight throughout the movie.....a few of them definitely know how to Bring The Pain! But let's face it.....These Girls are in Deep Shit! They are Completely Outnumbered and they're fighting an enemy that has Adapted to the Total Darkness and they also know how to Maneuver around these caves.  Copyright © 2006 Lions Gate, All Rights ReservedThe Descent is a slow buildup of tension leading up to the Underground Ghouls.....but when the action starts, it doesn't let up for a minute. The Dark, Claustrophobic Caves makes the tension even worse. None of the caves are real....all of them were built and special lighting was used to create the "Cave Like" feel. The technical people working on The Descent did a Great Job. These caves are look Very Real.....Cold, Dark and Damp. The ending of the movie is a real downer....as you would expect with good Horror movies. The trend of slapping on Artificial Happy Endings onto Horror Movies is very irritating to Horror fans like myself. But The Descent doesn't do this.....Thank God! As with every Horror Movie that's released onto DVD, get the Unrated Version of The Descent!  Click Here!   Copyright © 2006 Lions Gate, All Rights Reserved
Beth: I'm an English teacher, not fucking Tomb Raider. Cool Movie Quote — No. 2 Rebecca: [the girls are trapped after a cave-in] This isn't Boreham Caverns, is it, Juno? Juno: Holly was right! Boreham Caverns was a tourist trap! Holly: Don't try to pin this fucking shit on me! Rebecca: So where ARE we, Juno? Juno: It hasn't got a name. It's a new system. No one's ever been down here before. I wanted us all to discover it! Rebecca: So, this isn't caving. This is an ego-trip! Cool Movie Quote — No. 3 Rebecca: The noise she's making, she'll bring every one of those things down on her head. Sam: As long as it's not on mine. Cool Movie Quote — No. 4 Beth: [Sarah is trapped in a tunnel and Beth is trying to calm her down with a joke] Hey, you love this one, "How do you give a lemon an orgasm?" You tickle its citrus! Cool Movie Quote — No. 5 Holly: [Sarah has just been scared by a bunch of bats which attacked her. Holly films the bats flying away] Holly: [in imitation of 'The Count' from Sesame Street] One bat, two bats, fifty bats! [Beth comes up to her] Beth: Holly... Fuck off  Copyright © 2006 Lions Gate, All Rights ReservedRotten Tomatoes and Movies for Guys! Yahoo Movies, MSN Movies and About.com!  Copyright © 2006 Lions Gate, All Rights ReservedClassic Horror Movies 
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