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Team America: World Police (2004)

"Who Has The Courage To Fight Evil Terrorist Masterminds.....And Idiot Actors With Too Much Time On Their Hands?"

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'Team America' Review and Movie Quotes

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Excellent Review:

Team America: World Police Ч Rated: R

Х Lots of Patriotic Slaughtering of Puppet Terrorists and Puppet Actors!

Х Lots of Dirty Puppet Sex! I mean REALLY DIRTY Puppet Sex!

Х Lots of Funny, Disgusting Songs..... Guaranteed to Offend!!!

Х Finally Ч "Activist" Actors (aka Ч Hippies) get knocked off their Soapbox!

Danny recommends that you take Notes during the Puppet Sex Scenes so that you can practice them yourselves....some of their Puppet Sex Positions are a Little Complicated.

Running Time: 98 Minutes

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Team America: World Police Ч Trey Parker and Matt Stone

Team America: World Police Ч Trey Parker and Matt Stone

"Danny's Personal Feelings About
Team America: World Police"

Featured Movie Review:
TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE

"Putting the 'F' back in Freedom"

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I was dying to see Team America: World Police leading up to it's premiere in October 2004.

I didn't know what the story was about....all I kept reminding myself of was:

Х This is from the creators of South Park Ч Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Х It's going to be an R-rated movie....starring Puppets!

Х This was definitely going to be a Dark Comedy Movie.....which Danny is a huge fan of!

That's all I knew.

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Ч Trey Parker and Matt Stone

I've been a fan of the South Park TV show from the very beginning.

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut is still one of Danny's all-time favorite Dark Comedy Movies of all time.

I still watch it from time to time.....but I when I first bought the DVD, I used to watch it All The Time! I couldn't get enough of the dirty jokes and the dirty songs.

Whenever I had friends over to my place, I would throw in the South Park movie whether my friends liked it or not.

Every now and then, I catch myself humming the music to "Uncle Fucka" from the South Park movie....

"Shut your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucka!

You're a Boner Biting Bastard, Uncle Fucka!"

In the 2002 edition of the "Guinness Book of World Records", the South Park movie listed under "Most Swearing in an Animated Film"

Х 399 Profane Words, including.....

Х 146 uses of "Fuck",

Х 79 uses of "Shit",

Х 66 uses of "Bitch",

Х 128 offensive gestures and

Х 221 acts of violence

The South Park movie still holds this Prestigious Record.....it's not like Disney or Pixar is going to try to challenge that record.

So I was expecting the same vulgar, hilarious stuff in Team America: World Police.

But when I saw the movie in the theater, I was Shocked to Learn that.....

"Americans Need Team America
To Protect Our Liberties"

Copyright й 2004 Paramount, All Rights Reserved

Team America is an Elite Fighting Unit dedicated to Killing Terrorists, Protecting America.....and Blowing the Shit out of EVERYTHING that gets in their way!

This movie pokes fun at the notion that the United States has taken it upon themselves to "Police The World!"

And it pokes fun at Celebrity Activists who have taken it upon themselves to "Protect the World" from people who are NOT Actors!

And it pokes fun of all the Huge Action Blockbuster Movies made by guys like Michael Bay, Don Simpson, Jerry Bruckheimer, Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin.

Their Big-Budget Action Movies always rely on Sex, Violence, Car-chases, Fist Fights to make up for Bad Acting, Bad Dialogue, and Bad Character Development.....with a cheesy Hollywood Happy Ending tacked on at the end.

Team America: World Police came out about 2 weeks before the 2004 Presidential Elections!

Most people were expecting plenty of insults directed at President Bush over the Iraq war.....but instead the movie slammed Liberal Celebrity Douche-bag Activists who think they know what's best for the world.

To Danny, the only thing worse than Dick-head Politicians with their head up their own ass.....is Dick-head Actors with their head up their own ass.

Especially when it's actors who are not making financially successful movies anymore and have to somehow stay in the limelight by pretending to be a "World Leader".

Be sure to read Danny's Annoying Hollywood Celebrities Page.....where Danny jumps on his own soapbox and preaches to all my loyal Entertainment Movie Guide readers about why I hate Retarded Actors and Celebrities!

Team America: World Police Ч Sean Penn (Trey Parker and Matt Stone) Copyright й 2004 Paramount,
All Rights Reserved

Sean Penn was really pissed off at Trey Parker and Matt Stone right after Team America: World Police was released back in October 2004.

Parker and Stone had just made an episode of South Park where they say that voting is a waste of time.

Their argument is that you are only given two choices to vote for in elections Ч a Douche and a Turd!

Sean Penn decides to write Parker and Stone a letter where he basically gets all "Bitchy" with them about what they said about voting.

"Sean Penn Is An Expert At
Making A Dick Of Himself"

You can read the original letter that Sean Penn wrote on The Drudge Report Site (new window)

Parker and Stone later said that they thought what they said about voting isn't what Sean Penn was really mad about.

They thought that what he was really pissed off at how he was Mocked in Team America: World Police!

It shouldn't Surprise anyone that.....

"F.A.G. Actors Hate Everything That
Team America Stands For"

Copyright й 2004 Paramount, All Rights Reserved

In Team America: World Police, Sean Penn and many other Hollywood Actors are involved in a Secret Political Organization known as the Film Actors Guild Ч aka: F.A.G.

The F.A.G. Mission: Destroy Team America!

There are many Actors in F.A.G. who all see themselves as World Leaders with Real Influence in the world.

What's ironic to Danny is that all the actors are actual puppets in Team America: World Police.

But these "Puppet Actors" actually see themselves as being "Puppet Masters" themselves!

They think they are "Controlling the Strings" over the entire World!

Danny doesn't know if Parker and Stone had that bit of irony in mind when they designed the "Puppet Actors".....but Danny got the joke right away!

The other Celebrities that Team America: World Police also poke fun at is:

Х Alec Baldwin Ч The F.A.G. President and Greatest Actor who ever Lived!

Х Michael Moore

Х George Clooney

Х Tim Robbins

Х Susan Sarandon

Х Helen Hunt

Х Liv Tyler

Х Martin Sheen

Х Janeane Garofalo

Х Matt Damon Ч in real life, he's nothing like his Jason Bourne character at all.....actually, he's a little "Slow".

Х Samuel L. Jackson

Х Danny Glover

Х Peter Jennings

Х Ethan Hawke

Х Hans Blix

Х Kim Jong-Il Ч Evil Terrorist Mastermind and Sad Lonely Guy..... you really feel sorry for this Poor Twisted Soul.

Sean Penn makes a Stupid Statement in this movie.....similar to his idioic statement in Micheal Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11:

"Last year I went to Iraq.
Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place.
They had flowery meadows, and rainbow skies and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles."

Janeane Garofalo's character also reveals how the Actors always appear to look "Informed" about Current Events"

"Our job as actors is to read the newspapers, and repeat what we've read on TV, like it is our own opinion."

You'll be happy to know that almost all the "Actors" get what's coming to them before this movie is over!

You'll also be happy to know that.....

"Everything In This Movie Is Hilarious.....
The Music, The Action And The SEX"

Team America: World Police Ч Kim Jong Il (Trey Parker and Matt Stone)

Copyright й 2004 Paramount, All Rights Reserved

Team America: World Police, like the South Park movie, has a ton of very funny songs that were written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Danny plagiarized some of the songs and put them on this Movie Review Page.....yeah, like no one else on the Internet did the same thing)

Check out some these Great Music Lyrics!

Be sure to either get the Team America or Soundtrack to listen to the sounds! You won't regret it.....unless you're some kind of Prude who offends easily.

Watching the Puppets fight is Fuckin' Hystical too!

There is a scene at the beginning of the movie when one of the Team Americans, Chris, challenges a Muslim Terrorist to a Kung-Fu Fist Fight .....but all they end up doing is bouncing around each other.

Team America: World Police Ч Love is in the Air! (Trey Parker and Matt Stone)

Copyright й 2004 Paramount, All Rights Reserved

But the best scene of all is the Sick Sex Scenes!!!!

It's Pure Puppet Porn!!!!

This scene got Team America: World Police slapped with an NC-17 rating!

When Danny heard about this before the movie was released, he said to himself, "It's a Puppet Movie! Who cares? What could they possibly be doing that's so dirty?"

When I saw the edited theatrical version of the movie, I started to see what the hub-bub was all about.

The two puppets, Gary and Lisa, do just about every single sex position that you can possibly think of. There were definitely some Kama Sutra positions thrown in there to increase the "Kinkiness Level!

But I was still curious to see what Parker and Stone were forced to edit out to bring the movie down to an R-rating.

When the movie was released on DVD in 2005, I went to three or four different video stores looking for the Unrated Version.

And then I saw what was cut out.....

Danny Couldn't Stop Laughing!

It was Sick and Disgusting.....and Funny as Hell!

When I showed the Unrated Version to my friends, they had me rewind the unedited sex scenes over and over again.

Fuckin' Perverts....like Danny, they couldn't get enough of the amount of filth that's in Team America: World Police!

"Date Of Completion"

Danny Wrote This Review On March 10, 2008!

Team America: World Police Ч Join F.A.G. (Trey Parker and Matt Stone)

"CAST

OF

TEAM AMERICA:
WORLD POLICE"

Trey Parker as Gary Johnston/Kim Jong-il/ Joe/Hans Blix/Carson/ Matt Damon/Tim Robbins/ Sean Penn/Michael Moore/ Helen Hunt/Susan Sarandon/ Drunk in Bar/Other voices	Matt Stone as Chris/George Clooney/ Danny Glover/Ethan Hawke/ Other voices
Kristen Miller as Lisa	Masasa Moyo as Sarah
Daran Norris as Spottswoode	Phil Hendrie as I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E./ Chechnyan Terrorist
Maurice LaMarche as Alec Baldwin	Chelsea Marguerite as French Mother
Jeremy Shada as Jean Francois	Fred Tatasciore as Samuel L. Jackson
Scott Land as Lead Puppeteer