"Why Does 'Super-Cool' Danny Love Movies So Much?"

Some of my very first memories are of going with my parents to the old Newark Drive-In movie theater on Rt. 1 & 9 in Newark, New Jersey.

Just in front of the entrance to the Pulaski Skyway Bridge heading towards the Holland Tunnel into Manhattan. The Newark Drive-In was demolished years ago and replaced with a Multiplex — The All-Jersey Multiplex Cinemas in Newark, NJ.

If you're from the area and are 25+ years old, then you should know what I'm talking about.

At that Drive-In, I remember seeing movies like Alien, Scanners, Star Wars, Star Trek II, Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Children.

Another movie theater I used to go to a lot as a kid was The Amboy Multiplex Cinemas in Sayreville, NJ.

"Danny's Favorite Hero Growing Up"

My family was the first one on our block to buy one of those brand new VHS Movie Machines!

We had a huge house party in our little apartment in Elizabeth, NJ to celebrate! Raiders of the Lost Ark was the very first movie we saw on that machine.

For the longest time, I wanted to be just like Indiana Jones!

The reason why I choose him is because of all the adventures he went on.

Fighting Nazis, finding buried treasure and cracking his bull whip at Naked Indian Savages while running for his life!

Then I learned the cold hard truth.....


• The Nazis were beaten about 40 years before Raiders of the Lost Ark was made


• Even if I found any buried treasure, I wouldn't be allowed to keep it


• And it's not polite to refer to Indians as "Naked Indian Savages"...now they are referred to as "Native American" Savages.

---

"Danny Learns Plenty Of Useless Knowledge From The Movies"

I've Learned a lot of Bad Lessons from Movies.

You see, Hollywood taught me everything that my parents didn't want to teach me.

My parents were too busy teaching me Real World Knowledge and Skills necessary to become a productive member of society.....BORING!

Movies were my occasional escape from all that "Learning" and "Education".....You know, for some reason I am really addicted to "Quotation Marks."

Don't ask me why.....because I really don't know why.

"Danny's Fond Memories" On my site you're going to notice that I have many fond memories of watching movies in my youth. However, I don't have too many memories of doing my homework after school. Why, you ask? I guess, deep down, I really believed the advice of that homeless drug addict who lived in the burned out building in my neighborhood. His advice was, "School Is For Suckers!" AMEN, BROTHER!

---

• In The Movies.....I Learned That All Cops
And Politicians Are Corrupt.



When I was about 12 years old, I accidentally locked my mother, my sister and myself out of the car in the parking lot of a restaurant.

It was like 30 degrees outside...but, fortunately, a patrol car came along and helped us get back into the car.

Afterwards, I ask the cop, "So....where do you keep all the drug money you steal for a living?"

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain behind my head....and everything went dark.

When I came to, I assumed that the cop kicked my ass like on TV....but it turned out my Mom did it instead.

This was back in the 1980s, when it was still OK for parents to discipline their kids without fear of going to Prison!

That's why she didn't get sent to prison....where she belongs! JOKING!!!!

By the way, I think my Dad was the second shooter behind that grassy knoll. I think he was 10 years old at the time.

Why did my Dad want to kill John F. Kennedy?!?!?

I don't know.....ask Oliver Stone. He's the Conspiracy Nut-case, not me.

Why? Because I wanted him to "whack" the bully for me.

I even showed him respect by calling him Godfather and kissing his wrinkled old hand....but that old fart just slammed the door in my face.

And if they have filthy sex in the woods near a creepy lake, then a maniac in a hockey mask will make an Example of Them.

He taught kids that Sex is Dirty!

But for some reason, no one ever learns that lesson.....because more horny teenagers keep having sex in the same woods, near the same creepy lake.

So the real lesson here is.....If killing a bunch of horny kids won't discourage other kids from having sex before marriage, then nothing will.

I loved how these little Chinese guys would Fight each other....while FLYING through the air!

Danny was AMAZED!

Then my whole world came crumbling down when my Dad told me it was all FAKE!


Question: Why Do ALL Parents Enjoy Crushing Their Kid's Fantasies?

I used to think my mom was a Cold-Blooded Murderer every Thanksgiving for cooking a Turkey!

Actually, every Thanksgiving my Mom would take me to this place that sold LIVE Turkeys!

I got to choose the one I wanted....and then I got to watch as they chopped off it's head and dumped it in this Boiling HOT Calderon to melt the feathers and skin off!

That's why, technically, my Mom was (and still is) a Turkey Killer!


Did you know that to Cook Lobsters you have to place them in Boiling Water....while they're still alive?!?

TRUE STORY — I freaked out once when my Mom was cooking Lobster in our house....and I could clearly hear Screaming coming out of the pot!

It was So Cool!

Hey PETA.....Suck My Balls!!!!

Whose responsible for leading me to believe that it was alright for men to cry?

I have two words for you.....

Tom Cruise!

It took me years to Un-Learn this Horrible, Pointless Lesson.....

And Learn to be a MAN Again!

Important Tip for the Men

Despite what the movies teach us, crying and showing your softer side will NOT increase your chances of getting laid with a Hot Girl!

It only works for Tom Cruise!

Do You Know Why?

Because it's IN THE SCRIPT!

"The Two Most Important Things That Movies Can Teach Us"

And I've spent thousands of dollars in therapy to Un-Learn the lessons they've taught me.

But despite all of that...I still love 'em.

Why do I still love them?

What possible reasons could I have after all the damage movies have done to me?!?


• Well, movies are still the best way for me to see my Favorite Actresses Totally NAKED!


• And ONLY in Movies are you ENCOURAGED to be as Violent as you want with NO Consequences Whatsoever!


What other reasons does a MAN need?!?

Between the two of them, Arnold and Sly have killed Thousands of people in their movies!

But they Brutally Killed their Victims for All The Right Reasons!

Custom Search